Welcome to the Election Night Drinking Game!

First some housekeeping. Normally, I’d ask that if any children have been accidentally conceived as a result of this or any of the other drinking games, I’d ask that you call him or her Dave. But people might think you’ve named them after Cameron, so I think we should settle on “Agamemnon”. Then we’ll know they’re a Drinking Game Baby.

Remember that this is a marathon, not a sprint. I’ve deliberately left out some obvious keywords and events because – well – I don’t want blood on my hands…

Drinking One Finger:

When a seat’s result is announced. Now, there are – I think – 649 seats so this might be A Very Bad Thing. Alternatively, you can drink a finger whenever a seat changes from one party to another. Mind you – the way things are going – this could also be dangerous.  

“Thirteen Years”

“The BNP are twats”

“Shiny”

“Michael Gove must be sad that his work experience placement is over”.

“Hopes & Fears”

Any other album by Keane is mentioned.

George Osbourne is allowed to say ANYTHING AT ALL.

Jeremy Vine’s big shiny machine does something it’s not meant to do. (That is NOT a euphemism)

Anyone accidentally calls Nick Clegg “Nick Griffin” (Though, if it’s someone from a Murdoch publication, this may be deliberate)

Anyone accidentally calls Nick Griffin “a massive c*nt”. Sorry. I don’t mean ‘accidentally’.

An argument breaks out (Extra finger if there is actual violence)

You utter the phrase “What the fuck’s he/she doing on this?” or “I thought he/she was dead.”

You laugh at something the Monster Raving Loony Party or similar do or say (You also need to go and take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror)

You involuntarily cringe at anything.

You can lip read someone saying a swearword behind the Returning Officer when the vote doesn’t go their way.

Sleep deprivation causes David Dimbleby to announce “I’M DAVID BUMBLEBEE!” and attempt to drink nectar from Michael Portillo’s face.

As usual, please feel free to add your own suggestions below or on Twitter with the hashtag #gedrinkinggame.