Remember I emailed Sky Television CEO Jeremy Darroch earlier this week? Well, I’ve got the afternoon off work and I was a bit bored so I got in touch again. Yes, you’re right. My partner does put up with a lot: To: Jeremy Darroch Subject: Sky Signal Problems Hi Jeremy Sky customer number XXXXXXX here [...]
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Why I Like Apple
Because they annoy the Daily Mail: Still, it’s a bit rich for the Mail to accuse people of being smug bores. I shall now spend the day holding my iPhone very close to my face and pretend I have an iPad.
Zombie Top Trumps
So you’ve barricaded yourself in the shopping mall. You’ve got food and a shovel. Shut out, the zombie hordes are pathetically clawing at the window of Superdrug. You’ve earned a bit of a break. But what to do for entertainment? There’s no “Cash in the Attic” after the Zombie Apocalypse. And you’re burning the contents [...]
An Email To Sky
In lieu of anything funny, here’s an email I sent to Sky CEO Jeremy Darroch today. I was aiming for ‘chummy’ but I think I overshot and landed squarely on ‘arsehole’. “To Jeremy Darroch Subject: Sky Signal Problems Dear Jeremy I am Sky customer number XXXXXXXXX and I thought I’d drop you a line about [...]
Scientists Playing God Blah Blah Blah
This morning, I cast my eye over the newspapers while in the garage and saw this: “I bloody knew it!” I shouted. “I always reckoned Nicole Kidman looked a bit weird and plasticky, but people put it down to the botox. But, no, she was built for Tom Cruise by Scientologists in the underground lab they [...]
Would You Like Some Awesome?
Apologies for the lack of posts the last couple of days. I’ve been busy with “The Novel” and wrestling cheese’n’pineapple on sticks off of Kid A, whose birthday it was yesterday. Normal service will be resumed. Possibly involving Zombie Wombles, thanks to @carter_andrewj‘s inspiration. In the meantime, would you like to see something made almost [...]
You Had Me At “Poke Dave”
On the suggestion of Phil of Evilflea fame, the International Romantic Comedy Day now has a presence on Facebook. Like all the cool kids do. You can find it here: http://tinyurl.com/2ve6q4l Some utterly charming people have already signed up. It would be awesome if you would like to as well. In the meantime, here’s a picture I found [...]
International Romantic Comedy Day
Romantic Comedies. I love ‘em. Even the Zombies love ‘em. Boy/Girl Meets Girl/Boy. Boy/Girl Loses Girl/Boy. Boy/Girl Carries Out Grand Romantic Gesture That Would Normally Get Them Arrested/Sectioned/Dumped On Their Sorry Arse To Win Girl/Boy Back. Boy/Girl & Girl/Boy Live Happily Ever After. As the Better Half will testify, I’m appalling watching films. The Grand [...]
How To Get Ahead In Advertising
I’ve always wanted to break into advertising. I’ve got the ego, glasses and skinny ties for it. Unfortunately, after my ill-fated attempt to get Durex to use my “Buy Me And Stop One” campaign, this will always remain a dream. But this doesn’t stop me from trying. Mr Dyson, if you’re reading this, please find [...]
My New Favourite Thing
Don’t ask me how, but I stumbled upon this on Amazon this morning: Yes! For £29.99, you can have your own lifesize cardboard cut out of Gordon Brown! But wait! They don’t just want to give you that! They’ll also throw in “a generous 25x20cm gloss finish photograph of former Prime Minister Tony Blair professionally [...]
