The Better Half and I were watching the television the other day when I turned to her.

“Is there anything else on? This episode of ‘24′ is rubbish,” I said.

“That’s because we’re watching ‘60 Minute Makeover’,” she replied. ”Masterchef is on in a minute.”

“Word.” I worded.

Anybody who knows me knows I bloody love Masterchef. My money’s on Alex this year. He seems to be a cross between Jesus and Ghandi. But – y’know – better.

But something has begun to trouble me in the last couple of weeks.

Who does the washing up?

Obviously the cutlery is fine the way that John and Gregg clean them with their MASSIVE MOUTHS. But what about all the pots and pans? 

I asked the Twitter Hive Mind, but they were unable to help.

Then I remembered that Gregg Wallace is on Twitter.

Gregg loves Twitter. Twitter got Gregg laid. Maybe I should go straight to the source.

So I sent him a message:

“Hello @puddingface! Can you settle an argument for us please? Who does the washing up on Masterchef?”

It should be noted that puddingface is his Twitter ID and I wasn’t insulting him. Not this time anyway.

As of this moment, I have not received a reply.

But Gregg’s a busy man. That parsley won’t sort itself.

Or maybe he read my tweet a few days ago suggesting that “Gregg is just meat in the room” when it comes to the decisions.

Never mind. I pay my licence fee. Maybe I should flex some muscle. 

I’ve also emailed the BBC directly:

“Dear The BBC

My partner and I thoroughly enjoy Masterchef. There’s nothing we like more than eating beans on toast soaked in our own tears while watching people endlessly make scallops on black pudding and pea puree.

But I have one question. Who does the washing up at the end of the programme? Is it the most rubbish contestant?

Thanks”

I will keep you posted…