If the Daily  Mail is James Blunt, then the Daily Express is James Morrison. Not quite as successful, it’s the paper for those that think the Daily Mail is a little too cutting edge and ‘with it’.

Here’s today’s front page:

I was disappointed that they didn’t write ‘Experts’ in sarcastic quote marks.

I’ll pass over the now traditional deliberate misunderstanding between the difference of  ”short-term regionalised weather patterns” and “global climate over several years”. If you want, you can read it here.

No, the good stuff – as always – is in the Readers’ Comments section.

Yes, I know I shouldn’t have done it. My brain now hates me.

But among the usual howls of impotent rage, complaints about tax and talk of scientists’ “nefarious plans” (Do they think they’re all wannabe Bond villains?) was this little beauty:

My first thought was “Well, pirates WOULD probably appreciate climate change. That would mean higher sea levels. More sea. They live on boats. It’s just common sense.”

Then I was drawn to the statement “the polar bear is in the image of how we must stop our folly… yet numbers are said to be on the increase?. you can adopt one now”

“That’s a rather strange argument”, I thought. Adopting animals is just a cute way for charities to raise funds.

Then it hit me.

He thinks there are some spare polar bears.

He believes that if you phone the number on the advert to adopt one, they’ll deliver one to your door on the back of a trailer. Dial-A-Bear.

I know I make sweeping statements like “Daily Express readers still point at the fuckin’ moon” but they really don’t help themselves at times.