Do you listen to the Bugle podcast? You should do. It’s very funny.

Anyway, they mentioned something called the Doubledown sandwich. It’s only available from KFC in some states of America. It’s a bacon and cheese sandwich.

It contains no bread.

Yes. It’s cheese and bacon between two pieces of fried chicken.

On hearing of this, I became slightly obsessed. I had to have one. This is how the conversation between the Better Half and I went:

Me: “I think we need to go to the States so I can have one.”

B.H.: “That’s just silly. You could easily make one yourself.”

Me: “You know you shouldn’t say stuff like that to me, don’t you?”

B.H.: “Yes.”

Technically, in my brain, that was a dare.

Saturday night. The Better Half was out and the kids were in bed. I was all set.

My first tip is make sure there’s nothing else to eat in the house. That way you can’t – ahem – chicken out.

Actually, there was quiche in the fridge. I’m pretty secure in my masculinity but not man enough to sit at home alone on a Saturday night, drinking wine, watching ‘Strictly Come Dancing’ and eating quiche. I might as well have a bubble bath and listen to some Josh Groban. My bloke licence would be revoked.

I had to consider what cheese to use. I could fly the British flag and go with the mature cheddar, or keep it real and use the the Kraft cheese slices. Or possibly do something with Cheesestrings. I then considered the possibility that we have too much cheese.

I felt that I was already deviating from the brief using crispy chicken rather than fried chicken, so I went with the cheese slices. So the recipe is as follows:

1. Bake the 2 pieces of chicken.

2. Fry the bacon.

3. Put bacon and cheese between the chicken.

4. Put the coroner on stand by.

That noise you can hear are my arteries hardening just thinking about it.

And just to prove that I went through with it:

Why does my hand look so massive in that picture?

Next week, I shall be eating a pound of lard between two other pounds of lard.