Captain Kirk was awesome. An intergalactic pick up artist. He cut a swathe through the female population of the universe. Whatever species, no matter how weird, he’d do them. “You don’t look at the mantelpiece when you’re stoking the fire” he told Spock in a scene deleted from “Balance of Terror”
And all the while, that Leia bird wouldn’t let Han Solo put his hand up her frock once.
Star Trek promised me a socialist utopia where the only currency was knowledge and we would explore the universe as one people teaching aliens this thing we humans call a kiss.
But Star Trek fucking lied to me. This is the future:
Mechanically recovered chicken carcass on a stick. A meat lollypop.
“People like meat,” the manufacturer thought. “People like lollypops. It’s a no-brainer.”
As was I for purchasing it.
And – yes – you should be concerned about the condition of my finger nails.
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